Friday, March 25, 2011

2d@y

The photos were uploaded from last to first order!!! The first picture is actually my last piece!!!
Above is my one day, random diary.

Drafts and doodles


First try using burnt chopsticks to draw.




Full picture of the picture above. Haha.



Made by Chilli, dedicated to her idols, Taylor Swift and Avril Lavigne.





Also by Chilli.






By Chilli.







By Chilli.









By Chilli.








2d@y

**personally, this post could be a bit extreme....**

Reading comments and updates of friends made me think......
Before I got my results, I was feeling nothing, the feeling was like "here's the next report card". It's like I didn't bother! Because of that kind of feeling, I did feel afraid of my own self. A physics teacher passed by us and told us that he already saw our results. I was trying to figure out my result with his expression, but he was a pro, I guess.

"Your name," the teacher said, surrounded by many of our classmates who already got their results. I said my name as she flipped through the papers. I saw my name. Then, she passed me the paper. I didn't see my results clearly, but my friend helped me to see it first. Maybe because I had no expectations, I was quite happy when I finally saw my results after waiting for almost 4 months.

Today, after reading my friends' blogs, I had a small flashback to when I was in form 3.

{Cry baby coming in!!!}

During that time, after taking the results, I was quiet, really quiet. I was quite upset, due to several reasons. Upon seeing one of my friends tearing up, I guess I broke down. I cried. After being advised by my friends, slowly I became calmer. I believe I was still sulking a bit thou. When I reached home, I had dried my tears. With a small voice, I told my results to my mother in the kitchen. At the same time, a dagger struck into my heart. Once again, I cried. This time, it was a more painful feeling compare to when it was at school. I went upstairs into my room. I was mad at myself. I scolded myself, so much that I cried even more. I slept a few minutes on the floor. And went back down for lunch.

And I thought it would stop just there, stop when I wake up the next day. The few days after the results were always family and friends calling, asking about the results. I talked to them, with a happy tone. But my eyes were always in a blurry state. When anyone asked about the results during Lunar New Year, I answered with a light tone. But I felt like I was being struck by lightning again and again. Tears were rolling in my eyes, but I do not want to cry in front of people. It was damn painful. I was suffering emotional pain for almost a year. I did grumble to my friends, but it was mostly some other thing. I dare not talk about it or maybe I don't know how to. This feeling was frequently there. I was worried and wondering if I could become insane. I was pathetically scared.

Once, I used MSN to chat with a relative who is working abroad. I was under stress at that time, I had no hope, I do not believe in myself, I have no confidence. While telling my relative that I couldn't control my emotions, I cried while typing.

Maybe it's because of my friends, father, family, legendary people in history books, or even the singers I admire. I told myself to wake up, stop being this person. You have a responsibility, you have a life, you have people that care for you, why waste it with feeling sad for yourself? It took me a long time to climb back into reality as well as strengthen myself, but I'm not going to be like that anymore. I have many ambitions and I want to make them into reality. I am going to work hard! I am going to succeed!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

2d@y

Results are out!!!
Seriously, I think I'm flying inside when I looked less freaked out on the outside.
I'm so happy even when it's 12.00 midnight, 13 hours after I got the "holy" paper from my form teacher.
Truthfully, I had no expectations for my results.
Thank you to the ones that was by my side, and anyone that wrote out my results.
Haha...
How am I going to celebrate it?
My friends and I already went out for luch at Mcd. One of our lovely sisters need to hurry because she's working.
I think I'm going to post the story I wrote last December in 2010.
I would consider it as a fanfic.
I think I was having a few butterflies in my stomach when I wrote that fanfic.
Maybe not today.....but I'll definitely post it!!!

Monday, March 21, 2011

2d@y

This was written yesterday night before I travel to dreamland.
Post it for the fun of it. Maybe practice my spelling too.
Be warned, it may not make any sense at all.

~~

You're gonna be alright
You're gonna be fine
You're gonna succeed

You have confidence in yourself
You believe in yourself
You trust yourself
You have faith in yourself

You have a positive mindset
You have a positive attitude
You see the world in a positive way

You have learnt from the past
You are cherishing the present
You are making the future

You love yourself
You love your family
You love your friends
You love your enemy
You love every life out there

You dare to think
You dare to express
You dare to take action
You dare to take the first step

You are smart
You are intelligent
You are wise

You

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

For A Lovely Friend...

There were so many people around me. They were congratulating me. I am a world-class designer and have opened more than 100 outlets in 20 countries. I just got the Prime Minister’s recognition. I was given a lifetime achievement award for my work. He gave me a pat on the back and I was to give my speech to the 5,000 people in the hall. “First of all, it is an honor for me to receive this award from the Prime Minister himself. I would like to thank my parents, my family who were always by my side supporting me. Thank you to my friends, my colleges, my first, second and third boss, that taught me so much. Thank you also to my wonderful husband……

“Hello? Wake up girl, you have lots to do today,” someone whispered into my ear. The sight in front of me slowly disappeared. I rubbed my eyes and lazily opened them. “Eh, wake up now!” It was Lee Ngoh calling me up.

It was a dream? I should have put earplugs! “I’m up. I’m up. Thanks Lee Ngoh.” He left the room, probably for breakfast.

After making my bed, I looked out the window. Winter has passed a few days ago and it’s spring. The sun is shining brightly. The garden is full of life. The flowers are starting to bloom and attracting butterflies. The old oak tree on the left corner of our garden is starting to weave itself a brand new outfit. “Perfect weather for the event.” I said to myself with a smile. After taking a bath and all dressed up, I went to my study table to take a look at the list I prepared two days ago.

"Why aren't you down for breakfast?" I turned around to see mother. "We have a lot to do and you're going to be my assistant. So make sure you're focus." She continued. I nodded and tucked the list into my bag.

After breakfast, I followed mother to the venue for the event. We are organizing an engagement party for mother's best friend and long time partner of the company, Aunt Hemlatha. This was a special request from her boyfriend, Mr. Minho. I don't know much about this guy, but what I heard from mother was that he is an artiste working in a famous entertainment company. The venue was actually an air-conditioned studio owned by the company.

We rented it and mother designed a setting according to a photo Mr. Minho gave her. The setting will be a replica of a small town in Paris, where they first met. This is what I'm imagining of how they met...

Aunt Hemlatha was having a vacation in Paris. On the other hand, Mr. Minho was having a mini concert there. Aunt Hemlatha was having a walk down the streets after dinner, enjoying the night scene of Paris. Mr. Minho had just finished his concert and was walking away from the crowd, maybe sneaking out of the crowd. He walked on the lonely streets, thinking deep. Both of them accidentally bumped into each other, under a mistletoe. They looked into each others eyes, and it was love at first sight, or maybe both of their consciences were saying "meet someone in Paris! Instead of being alone in a night like this".

"Honey, please stop your blogging drafts for awhile and help me call the store for a follow up on the ring," mother called out.

After the followup on the ring, I went to see the replica setting in Studio 1. There were around 10 people running around carrying boxes, ladders, and some of them were sweeping the floor! Mother was so cool! She was like a conductor, taking control of the staffs while making sure nothing is missed out. The Paris setting was awesome, the buildings were exactly like the ones in the photos, just enlarged. They even put cement-like pavements on the floor that was also in the photo. Behind the replicated setting was where Aunt Hemlatha's and Mr. Minho's parents will be hiding. They have not arrived yet and the staffs were arranging a few tables with chairs. The plan was to have a small feast after Mr. Minho popped the question and Aunt Hemlatha's answer.

Soon, the caterer came and they started to set up a place for the food. I took a peek at what's been ordered and it was quite a colorful set of dishes, Korean, Malaysian, Fusion, it's all there.

"You're not going to steal a bite now, are you?" A deep voice came from behind me.

"Mr. Minho? Good morning! How do you feel? Are you nervous?" I asked excitedly.

Suddenly remembering what he asked, I answered "No".

Laughing, Mr. Minho said "I feel excited, nervous at the same time. It's been a few weeks since I saw her. Schedule is a bit tight lately. Tell me, from your opinion, what will..."

"Wei Seen, come here and help a bit with the flower arrangement over there. Oh, hello Mr. Minho. Sorry to cut into your conversation." mother pretty much shouted from the other end of the studio.

I scrambled to help with the flowers as Mr. Minho talked to mother. "I called Hemlatha and told her I'm working in Studio 1. I asked her to come after 1 hours, is that okay?" Minho asked mother, to which she smiled and nodded. He's parents and soon-to-be in-laws came into the studio, awed by the setting. Mother saw them and asked Mr. Minho to go have a seat with them and have a relaxed conversation. This was to keep Mr. Minho "unstressed". Mr. Jinki and Mr. Jonghyun also came, not as guests, but as director and cameraman. They'll be recording when Mr. Minho is asking the question, but Aunt Hemlatha wouldn't know.

The ring soon came and was given to Mr. Minho.

"She's here! Everyone, to your places!" someone shouted. Mother, the staffs and I were finishing up some parts, The guests were hiding where Aunt Hemlatha couldn't see them, Mr. Minho was standing near the door, waiting for Aunt Hemlatha. Everyone finished and went into hiding.

"Knock knock!" Aunt Hemlatha was at the door. It opened, "Hello?" She walked in and Mr. Minho held her hand.

"Work will be done in a bit, can you help me a bit?" Mr. Minho asked as he led her to the setting without waiting an answer. Surprised, Aunt Hemlatha asked,"Where's all the people? What work are you doing? Is it a movie?"

"Can you do me a favor? Just have a seat here," Mr. Minho let her sit on a bench in the Paris setting in front of the camera that Mr. Jinki was holding.

"What favor?" she was still clueless about what she is suppose to help.

"Please answer a question for me, truthfully from your heart. Can you do that?" Mr. Minho asked as he looked into her eyes. Mr. Jonghyun giggled for a second. Blushing a bit, Aunt Hemlatha nodded.

"Hemlatha, firstly, I'm sorry for not being able to meet you for these past few weeks due to my career. But I want to be with you, always. You are my life, my everything. Miss Hemlatha, will you marry me?" Mr. Minho asked, getting down on his knees and taking out the ring that had the words "eternally".

Aunt Hemlatha was quiet for awhile, she was blushing more.

"Yes," she nodded smiling just as radiant as the sun. Mr. Minho helped her wear the ring and gave her a kiss.

"Minho, are the both of them....are they filming this??" she asked like a child. He laughed and nodded. We who were in hiding came out and clapped joyfully for the sweet couple. She saw so many people and was probably in shock. Her parents hugged her. Her in-laws also congratulated her. Everyone was smiling. It was a very very happy scene.

"There's a small feast behind here!" mother called out and led the guest to the buffet. There were around 20 people, including family members and a few close friends. Everyone enjoyed the small feast, having conversation and constantly congratulating the couple.

"Your Aunt Hemlatha is getting married! We'll going to plan the best wedding dinner anyone will ever have, maybe in a few months time. You better get ready for a busy one." mother jokingly told me, personally, I think she really mean it......

Aunt Hemlatha, congratulation!!

Monday, March 14, 2011

2d@y

It all started when I was checking the updates on a fan blog. The artistes were going to have a repackaged album. The album also included a new song.

Later, there was an announcement about an MV for the song. A few days later, the teaser for this MV was posted on the company's Youtube account. It was 46 seconds long. There were 4 main actors(?), Max (Changmin), U-know (Yunho), Choi Jung Yoon and Ara. There were scenes of people fighting, firing their guns, and the last scene was......personally, so beautiful. Not romantic beautiful, cause it has this dark and sad feeling and there were 2 guys.

After I watched the teaser, I practically watched it everyday. They say it's coming out on the 14th of March, but what came out was not the full MV. Someone, somehow managed to leak out the full song. Even after listening to songs for more than 5 years, I still can't figure out which songs are in which genre. When I read one of the comments, they say it was R&B. The song showed their vocal ability, range of their voices, how they expressed the song was nicely done. I don't know the meaning of the lyrics but I can wait for the subtitles. I believe it'll be a tough song to perform live and I'm waiting for the live version. Yeah, eager fan girl that always wants more.

Today, 15th of March, is the release of the MV, the full, complete version. The MV was based on the show, Athena. The MV was like a small branch from the show, or TV drama, I'm not sure. Anyway, the storyline for the MV was done very well. The four main cast were in the police force and a string of events occur when they were going after some kind of gang activity. The MV started with their song "Keep Your Head Down" and they were raiding(?) an illegal gambling activity. After that, there was a scene of a guy talking on his phone and another scene inside a hospital. I'm not a good storyteller or a good commenter, bear with me. Only after that, the new song began. Instead of me writing the half-cooked summary, here's the teaser and the MV:

Teaser:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKui4_0Vjsg&feature=related

MV:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-yLX4DFKyM

To Coffee: You may really need to wait for a week for the engagement party story, and I would like to plead you to have no whatsoever expectation when you read it. ~~

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

2d@y

yeap~

once again I'm tearing apart inside!!
....tear as in crying tears
...tear as in ripping...

asking "what the hell"
...song by Avril

I need confidence!!
I tell you, confidence!!
I need to start loving myself!
Just a few hours ago,
I fell down and got a second scratch!
The first bruise was less than 2 weeks ago!
...It left a blueish ring that looked like the centrioles in the biology text book

And just yesterday,
I had blurry vision
Just because they joked about me hitting the curb
I need to be emotionally strong!!
I must be!
or else I'll be sticking onto the people around me
complaining and moaning about myself!
Like what I'm doing now!
I need to stop this
childish
naive
immature
behavior!!!

Seriously
Wake up
And see this dark reality
not with a negative attitude
But a very very very positive attitude
also
with an open mind!!!

You can't stay in that fantasy forever!
a fantasy like an innocent child
You need to step out of there
Well
maybe you can stay in there during the holidays
But not more than that~~