depressing. prepare yourself or skip~ ; P
really want to vent... everything in my head.... it's tiring to think about these things... just tiring... that it makes you feel crazy *imagine House MD putting himself in a mental hospital* really feel like doing that now. Yeah, it's comical in a depressed way, or is it the other way? I tried, I really tried to make myself happy... but how long can it last? I'm just tired. Yeah, seeing so many 'I' in here... I feel so selfish. I know that. All the things that you "could have done a long time ago" It's horrifying to face the darn truth. I know, I've not done my best. I know, I don't want to face the truth. What should I do? It's stupid. Yes, you've used the word you don't want to use. You're that lost and dark at the moment that you feel like you want to knock yourself in the head... until you bleed... Why are you using 'you' now? What does that mean? You are still not admitting to the true reality that hits you? I don't know... not anymore... fear, anger, depressed... these are the things you keep inside. Because you tell yourself that people don't need to know. They can't do anything about it. Why bother telling? Why make them worry? Why share the dark feeling? Might as well leave it there because it'll disappear somehow. Is that how you really feel? Really? Cause now you're writing what you always call dark. Just the feeling, the thought of yourself facing people actually make you terrified. What is going on with you? Is talking to strangers hard? Is telling people what you feel hard? It's terrifying. You say in your head. Yet you tell people, yeah, it's no problem. We just have to get used to it. Thinking about how you could be like that... now you feel like a mad person. How is it possible that you can be so thick skinned at times and so fragile at other times? It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't... What the hell is rational anymore....
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Life Of A Saturn's Agent: Kidnapper!
He walked towards the door, heart thumping faster. He wondered why was he nervous. After all, he's been into that room for so many times for all the wrong reasons. Why would this time be any different? It's the same rite? Get into a fight, get caught, get scolded and get detention. What's there to be afraid of him? Wait... what was the discipline officer's name again?
He went in, steps getting heavier and heavier.
"Phie, I've been waiting for you." The discipline officer said calmly with a small smile. Phie couldn't figure out what was that expression about.
He bowed cautiously and later sat down in the chair in front of the officer's desk.
"So, Phie, want some purple tea?" The officer asked and poured a cup for Phie before he could refuse it.
"Thank you." He said in a low tone. He still can't understand why he's being called into the office since he wasn't in a fight and the officer is acting... pretty kind today. Or... is he getting kicked out? Or is this officer a fake? Who wants to kidnap him? He's gotta escape!
"Tell me, Phie" The officer was right in front of him, not behind the table. Directly in front of him.
"How long have you been here?"
"Umm... about 4 years?" He stuttered. Was he going to be kidnapped?! He have to dash towards the exit. But the officer is just a few inches away, how do you get away from that??
"Hmm... how many assignment and report have you completed?" The officer asked again.
"Uh... " he pretended to count with his fingers while looking for another way out. His eyes were scanning the area, looking for a way of escape.
"Phie?" The officer called his name as he was taking too long to answer such a simple question.
"Uh.. um..." He looked at the officer. The officer had questioning eyes looking at him. What is going on with this trainee?
Without a word mentioned, Phie punched the officer in the face and ran towards the exit. As he got out of the room, he shouted for help and 2 other officers with worried looks came down the corridor.
"Sir! There's a kidnapper in there! Help! Help!" Phie shouted while holding onto the door knob to stop the kidnapper from getting out.
"Boy, this better not be another trick!" The officer in green said sternly. She knew this trainee was one of the trickiest kid in this place.
"No! Ma'am Jloi! I swear! There's a kidnapper!" Phie shouted desperately.
The two officers pulled Phie to the back as they opened the door, anticipating an attack of some sort.
But out came the same officer with a very bloody face because of Phie's punch.
"Phie! What the purple tea are you doing!?" The discipline officer was raging as Phie imagined smoke coming out of his ears.
"Djie, are you okay? The kidnapper hit you?" Jloi asked while the other officer went in the office to check.
"What kidnapper? I was just going to tell this kid over here, Phie! That he's been upgraded to a lab director and he gave me this punch." Djie shouted while wiping away the blood.
"False alarm" Jloi said to the other officer and grabbed Phie by the collar to stop him from escaping. Phie couldn't do anything but to give a dry, embarrassing laugh at the bloody-faced Djie.
He went in, steps getting heavier and heavier.
"Phie, I've been waiting for you." The discipline officer said calmly with a small smile. Phie couldn't figure out what was that expression about.
He bowed cautiously and later sat down in the chair in front of the officer's desk.
"So, Phie, want some purple tea?" The officer asked and poured a cup for Phie before he could refuse it.
"Thank you." He said in a low tone. He still can't understand why he's being called into the office since he wasn't in a fight and the officer is acting... pretty kind today. Or... is he getting kicked out? Or is this officer a fake? Who wants to kidnap him? He's gotta escape!
"Tell me, Phie" The officer was right in front of him, not behind the table. Directly in front of him.
"How long have you been here?"
"Umm... about 4 years?" He stuttered. Was he going to be kidnapped?! He have to dash towards the exit. But the officer is just a few inches away, how do you get away from that??
"Hmm... how many assignment and report have you completed?" The officer asked again.
"Uh... " he pretended to count with his fingers while looking for another way out. His eyes were scanning the area, looking for a way of escape.
"Phie?" The officer called his name as he was taking too long to answer such a simple question.
"Uh.. um..." He looked at the officer. The officer had questioning eyes looking at him. What is going on with this trainee?
Without a word mentioned, Phie punched the officer in the face and ran towards the exit. As he got out of the room, he shouted for help and 2 other officers with worried looks came down the corridor.
"Sir! There's a kidnapper in there! Help! Help!" Phie shouted while holding onto the door knob to stop the kidnapper from getting out.
"Boy, this better not be another trick!" The officer in green said sternly. She knew this trainee was one of the trickiest kid in this place.
"No! Ma'am Jloi! I swear! There's a kidnapper!" Phie shouted desperately.
The two officers pulled Phie to the back as they opened the door, anticipating an attack of some sort.
But out came the same officer with a very bloody face because of Phie's punch.
"Phie! What the purple tea are you doing!?" The discipline officer was raging as Phie imagined smoke coming out of his ears.
"Djie, are you okay? The kidnapper hit you?" Jloi asked while the other officer went in the office to check.
"What kidnapper? I was just going to tell this kid over here, Phie! That he's been upgraded to a lab director and he gave me this punch." Djie shouted while wiping away the blood.
"False alarm" Jloi said to the other officer and grabbed Phie by the collar to stop him from escaping. Phie couldn't do anything but to give a dry, embarrassing laugh at the bloody-faced Djie.
Friday, November 23, 2012
Life Of A Saturn's Agent: Miss You
I just got out of a meeting with the agents and officers. It was... well... kinda nice since there was a fight between two of the officers. It was quite funny, really. Two of them fisting and pulling hairs and scolding each other. The other people couldn't do anything since the two were the seniors in the agency. In the end, they fought until they were too tired and the meeting ended just like that. O yes, I nearly forgot. We have to do some research on how carbonated drinks can be made into vegetables. That should be a nice one. I'm going to drag Chaehyun to help me with this.
"Meow Woof Chirp Meow Woof Chirp..." My phone rang and I answered it.
"Mum?" I asked after hearing a lady's voice through the phone.
"Yes my darling. How are you?" Her voice happy and sweet.
"I'm okay. How's Venus?" She went there 2 years ago, saying it was a vacation. But... isn't 2 years a little long for a vacation?
"It's lovely! Lovely indeed. I'm being treated like a queen. The people here are just lovely! And you know, I found these beautiful shoes they made from colored air. So soft and light. It's really comfy for my feet too. And I got you a pair too. With purple and pink and blue color. They change color and sparkle..."
Mother talked a lot. I guess she's really happy having fun there.
"... and Triel, you know, they have cloud made sofas and beds... and the glass made frying pan... ~eow~ Triel, your peacock flower misses you so much! Where are you?" Mother suddenly changed her tone.
"Please help me take care of her awhile? I've been busy lately..." I really do miss her... but I can't take care of her now. See, I came to this agency without telling mother. She thought that I'm still in Pluto, maybe doing some spring cleaning or some kind of experiment.
"O~ Okay. But she's a bit playful. It's hard if she's let out of my sight even for just awhile. She gets lost very easily here. Rite? ~chirp~" My mother said worriedly while my lovely flower answered... and it made me feel so guilty...
"Thanks mum. Just for another 2 weeks? Please?" I asked her to take care of my precious flower, just 2 more weeks and my beautiful flower will come back to me.
"Okay darling. I have to go. I've got another call. Bye bye darling." She ended the call as I chuckled to myself at how mother is so adorable.
"Triel." Someone called my name and I turned around.
"CHAEHYUN!!!!" I screamed while she gave me big, terrified eyes.
"You... scared me." She laughed after I apologized.
"Really sorry. It's just that I missed you so much!"
"Free now? Lunch?" She asked and I nodded continuously.
"You're going to pull a muscle like that." We both laughed as we headed out of the office building and went to a restaurant that sells exotic food from Mercury.
"Meow Woof Chirp Meow Woof Chirp..." My phone rang and I answered it.
"Mum?" I asked after hearing a lady's voice through the phone.
"Yes my darling. How are you?" Her voice happy and sweet.
"I'm okay. How's Venus?" She went there 2 years ago, saying it was a vacation. But... isn't 2 years a little long for a vacation?
"It's lovely! Lovely indeed. I'm being treated like a queen. The people here are just lovely! And you know, I found these beautiful shoes they made from colored air. So soft and light. It's really comfy for my feet too. And I got you a pair too. With purple and pink and blue color. They change color and sparkle..."
Mother talked a lot. I guess she's really happy having fun there.
"... and Triel, you know, they have cloud made sofas and beds... and the glass made frying pan... ~eow~ Triel, your peacock flower misses you so much! Where are you?" Mother suddenly changed her tone.
"Please help me take care of her awhile? I've been busy lately..." I really do miss her... but I can't take care of her now. See, I came to this agency without telling mother. She thought that I'm still in Pluto, maybe doing some spring cleaning or some kind of experiment.
"O~ Okay. But she's a bit playful. It's hard if she's let out of my sight even for just awhile. She gets lost very easily here. Rite? ~chirp~" My mother said worriedly while my lovely flower answered... and it made me feel so guilty...
"Thanks mum. Just for another 2 weeks? Please?" I asked her to take care of my precious flower, just 2 more weeks and my beautiful flower will come back to me.
"Okay darling. I have to go. I've got another call. Bye bye darling." She ended the call as I chuckled to myself at how mother is so adorable.
"Triel." Someone called my name and I turned around.
"CHAEHYUN!!!!" I screamed while she gave me big, terrified eyes.
"You... scared me." She laughed after I apologized.
"Really sorry. It's just that I missed you so much!"
"Free now? Lunch?" She asked and I nodded continuously.
"You're going to pull a muscle like that." We both laughed as we headed out of the office building and went to a restaurant that sells exotic food from Mercury.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Life Of A Saturn's Agent: Come Out~
She was wearing a tank top and shorts while her hair was in a mess. Her eyes were scanning through the room. There were papers scattered all around the room.
"This... is a mess... Triel, you fail at tidying." She nagged at herself while her hands were busy taking the papers and arranging them into a pile.
"Triel?" Someone called from outside and Triel quickly put on a loose t-shirt and tied her hair before opening the door.
"Hi, Taylb." She smiled until her eyes couldn't be seen.
"What are you doing?" He asked, bewildered at her very, very happy expression.
"Nothing. Just cleaning up the room. Anything going on?" Triel smiled her best.
"There's a meeting later... You forgot huh?" Taylb saw the shock in Triel's face.
"Anyway, just remember the time and be there." Taylb sighed.
"Okay!" Triel said and showed the okay sign.
"Wait, how's the progress of the report?" Taylb asked and stared at Triel.
"It's coming through... Don't worry." Triel said casually.
"Make sure it's on my table in 2 hours." Taylb said and left her standing at her door.
Triel closed the door calmly and continued her search through the pile of papers like a crazy kitty.
"Shoot! Where is that report! Come out! Wait..." She suddenly stopped and just stood there.
Triel slapped herself thrice.
1. Don't use shoot!
2.Tidy the room!
3. Don't use shoot.
"Come out~" Triel called out the report like it was a kitten. She couldn't remember where did she put the report she took hours to make.
She chuckled to herself. She's going to go mad huh? Really? Over a few papers?
"HAHAHAHAHAHA......" She laughed loudly while lying down on the floor.
After laughing until she's tired, she finally stopped and continued looking through the files on the shelf.
Alas... the report wasn't there. She sat on the floor, thinking really really hard while looking at her room.
"Bed." She said to herself and scurried to the bed. She flipped it and there it was. The report under her bed. She had used it to support her back since the bed is too soft for her. You see, in Pluto, she had no bed and slept on the ground under the stars.
"This... is a mess... Triel, you fail at tidying." She nagged at herself while her hands were busy taking the papers and arranging them into a pile.
"Triel?" Someone called from outside and Triel quickly put on a loose t-shirt and tied her hair before opening the door.
"Hi, Taylb." She smiled until her eyes couldn't be seen.
"What are you doing?" He asked, bewildered at her very, very happy expression.
"Nothing. Just cleaning up the room. Anything going on?" Triel smiled her best.
"There's a meeting later... You forgot huh?" Taylb saw the shock in Triel's face.
"Anyway, just remember the time and be there." Taylb sighed.
"Okay!" Triel said and showed the okay sign.
"Wait, how's the progress of the report?" Taylb asked and stared at Triel.
"It's coming through... Don't worry." Triel said casually.
"Make sure it's on my table in 2 hours." Taylb said and left her standing at her door.
Triel closed the door calmly and continued her search through the pile of papers like a crazy kitty.
"Shoot! Where is that report! Come out! Wait..." She suddenly stopped and just stood there.
Triel slapped herself thrice.
1. Don't use shoot!
2.Tidy the room!
3. Don't use shoot.
"Come out~" Triel called out the report like it was a kitten. She couldn't remember where did she put the report she took hours to make.
She chuckled to herself. She's going to go mad huh? Really? Over a few papers?
"HAHAHAHAHAHA......" She laughed loudly while lying down on the floor.
After laughing until she's tired, she finally stopped and continued looking through the files on the shelf.
Alas... the report wasn't there. She sat on the floor, thinking really really hard while looking at her room.
"Bed." She said to herself and scurried to the bed. She flipped it and there it was. The report under her bed. She had used it to support her back since the bed is too soft for her. You see, in Pluto, she had no bed and slept on the ground under the stars.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
20121121 Letter To That Drunk
You there? Are ya still drinking that horrible bitter juice? Eh? What are you thinking? That you can drown your pain and suffering through that bitter juice? It's that easy? Where are you living? You're not living alone here, why do that to yourself and make people worry?? You still have your lovely garden of cute sweet jumping peacock flower to take care of. You love her to bits rite? Such an adorable creature. With rainbow colored feathers, the beautiful sparkling blue eyes, the melodic singing voice... You brought her up with so much love, you love her so much. Now go back home and rest. Stop these bitter juice drowning. Your lovely peacock flower need you. And I'm sure she'll make you happy too. Go home.
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