20121118 Letter to self

As I sit here with the laptop in front of me, as well as the pengajian am notes. My mind is bombarded with very... interesting thoughts. Happy thoughts. It's as if... this exam that I'll be facing is just a tiny obstacle... like it's just another obstacle that I can face. Somehow this confidence just appeared today... maybe it's just me being gullible me, or like someone told me... maybe I've found something more valuable in life. I'll try to give my best for this exam, regardless of the results. Maybe I'm just that naive that I am able to trap myself in an unrealistic way. Or that I'm a hidden carefree person, a freeman. I don't know. I may not even ever going to find a right answer to that question: "who are you?" I may be getting very far away from my original route, but maybe it's for the best? Maybe me being selfish is an actual way to building my confidence? I've always know, I lack self esteem. Being down when I feel that I've fail, being proud when I've achieved something even so tiny. I let my emotions towards a certain event control my level of confidence. Because of ties to these events, so-called responsibilities towards people in my life, I constantly lose myself. Being emotionally tied instead of being rational towards my heart. Doing the right thing may not always be right. Decisions in life isn't always about the rational way, or the emotional way. It's always a balance of both. Yes, at times, you should be deciding rationally. But there are times where you should be following your emotions, your sixth sense. Because, when we think back, we may feel that we are right, or sometimes feel guilty for making the "wrong choices". But what's been done has been done. Just believe in yourself. Everything will be alright in the end. Everything will be alright.