**Rant post.
Been feeling crappy because there's so many unproductive things running through my mind. Great feeling, not. Blogging this cause... I have nothing to do now and I don't want to feel crappy. For whoever that are still reading, just stop here hehehe...
It's really frustrating, when people tell you that you have a not-very-good-habit and wants you to change. They tell you, but only the part of "you should change" but not "how to change". Okay, I admit, I have an awful habit throughout these few years. And it may be getting worse... but how do I change it when there are still people telling me that I'm still not good enough... I'm trying to get out there and maybe mingle around with everyone else, STILL TRYING. It's darn tiring. When I get hyper, I can't stop... I know, it's darn bad. Yet, so darn simple to solve it out. But I don't know how to!!! Like what they always say, it's easy to advise others but so darn tough to do it yourself. I hate that feeling. Hate it so much... *and now I'm testing how mush hatred I have in me...*
I feel like using all the bad words I've known my whole life because of that frustration...
wow... being unproductive do make you extremely negative...
that's bad...
If you can't tell me exactly where or how or why I'm wrong... then please find out the answer before you start telling me to change... I am extremely stubborn, so if you don't have facts or reasons to back up whatever you say, it's tough for me to listen to what you wan to say since you can't make it clear for me. Maybe it's because I'm bad at understanding, maybe because I'm just not that smart, but I do hope that you can have the patience to teach me...
*two rounds of tetris battle*
yeah, feeling a lot less crappy now. *throws confetti* hopefully I'll change a bit... hopefully...
yeah... I'm quite self centered...
yikes~!
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Sunday, January 12, 2014
2d@y
you know when you've crapped too much when...
you tell your dad that you watch concerts on youtube so that you can learn the structures of the stages.
you tell your dad that you read fanfics because they were good reading material to improve English.
you tell your sister that function and inverse function are like eggs and cakes.
you tell yourself that you watch videos of performances so that you can learn to be more creative.
you tell yourself that you scroll the news feed in facebook because it gives you inspiration to write.
you tell your dad that you watch concerts on youtube so that you can learn the structures of the stages.
you tell your dad that you read fanfics because they were good reading material to improve English.
you tell your sister that function and inverse function are like eggs and cakes.
you tell yourself that you watch videos of performances so that you can learn to be more creative.
you tell yourself that you scroll the news feed in facebook because it gives you inspiration to write.
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Cut Scene: Leaving
"What do you mean you're not coming back?" He asked her, blocking her way.
"I'm just not coming back. Leave me alone." She said, her eyes were strong as they pierced through his already shattered heart.
"You can't do that!" He roared, not moving even an inch from his position.
"I can. I'm doing it now." She said as she pushed him aside.
Dumbfounded that she could ever think of such a plan, he stood aside, not stopping her as she went into a cab.
"Are you happy? Are you happy now that she left?" He asked the elder who was sitting at his desk.
"Please pass me the blue folder behind you." The elder said emotionless as thou the younger said nothing.
"No."
Monday, December 16, 2013
2d@y
13 December 2013
The most nerve wrecking moment in 2013...
A few weeks back.
I was passing by the cafe after joining a carnival. Some of my classmates were there, gathered for something that I'm not aware of. Smiling, one of them handed me a form.
"Do you want to join as a committee for the Christmas Event?"
I doubted. I didn't know how to decide. I wanted to join for the sake of helping out, yet at the same time, I'm bloody scared of the interview that I have to pass to become a committee.
"Come on, many of our classmates are joining." Another persuaded.
"I'll consider." I answered, taking the form with me.
Going back to my room, I asked my roommate should I join or not. Without any pause, she said I should, along with some hard core reasons.
I agreed to her reasons. Taking a pen and filling in my details, I rushed back to the cafe. At the back of my head, I was still freaked out about the interview. I must admit, I'm not that good when it comes to interview.
There were 2 people who were still waiting for the interview. They were talking to some seniors as I listened to their conversation. I couldn't find a way to join in the conversation, maybe I was too nervous thinking about the interview. See, how many times I've mentioned interview?
Anyway, I kinda went through the interview relatively smoothly, when compared to my previous records.
A few days later, I received a message, saying I've been chosen as a committee under the decoration team.
Meetings, meetings and meetings later, the event slowly takes a solid shape as ideas came out. Yeah, there were rough places, but they were somehow solved in the end. Of course, I believe the seniors had played a part in it. They are experienced people, rite?
Around 6 December 2013, we went out to town to get the things we needed. Getting our weapons, a.k.a the color papers, ribbons, containers, stationary, polystyrene...
Our plan was basically to decorate using origami as a base. We had planned to make cutout snowflakes, Christmas wreaths, as well as the ornaments for the Christmas tree. Besides decorating the event venue, we were responsible for the design of the small gifts for the guests. The decoration team leader had planned to make origami Christmas trees inside small containers. Imagine the typical Christmas globe you get in stores, but without the liquid in it. To be truthful, it had looked impossible to be accomplished... but with the cooperation, the dedication, the sincerity, we managed to make 200 of them within one week. I applause and bow to those that had taken their precious time to make the gifts and complete the mission.
bla bla bla working hours later... it's been too long since I last update. I'm loosing my grammar competence... as well as my essay writing skills... *sits in a corner and cries*
Because it's already near the end of the year, assignments start to pile up around us. I must say, I was stuck dead in that pile of things to do. I had presentations, notes, tutorials, projects as well as the Christmas event. All those things came only in that week. And because of that, *going to proudly praise myself* I broke my record of having a total of 7 hours of sleep within 3 days. I took thick coffee and it felt like heaven. Coffee was my savior in those three health-wrecking days. Yeah, call me crazy, but I was happy in a way since I was busy doing something interesting.
Besides joining the decoration team, I had another role in the Christmas event--a performer. To be exact, I was participating as a singer on that day. I got to sang on stage, alone, well not really alone since a senior played the piano too. It was my first time!! It was very, very different from choir, choral speaking or even narrating. I don't quite know how to put it but it was different. We've practiced for quite awhile, about a month or so, if I remember right. I was the second last performance for that night. I kept telling myself to stay calm, just like during practices. But, I just couldn't. I don't know if it's the air conditioner being set too cold, or me being excited or nervous. I only remember I cheered as loud as I could when my friends performed. When it was my turn, I stepped onto the stage. While taking the microphone, I felt myself shaking out of nervousness. I didn't know why, but I felt myself trembling. I don't know if people notice or not, I hope not... As I sang, I tried telling my heart to stop beating so fast but it was no use. Ugh... still need more training... After my performance, it was the Christmas medley. We all sang as the crowd skipped, danced, jumped...
Only when the guests left and I started talking did I realise...
I had screamed too much until my throat was sore. It was like a punched hole in your throat. I laughed thou, thinking how enjoyed the guests were. It was all worth it.
After the event, I told myself, I'll do it only that one time. Once is enough. It's too tiring.
... just two days ago, I joined the arts and design team for the new year festival 2014...
The most nerve wrecking moment in 2013...
A few weeks back.
I was passing by the cafe after joining a carnival. Some of my classmates were there, gathered for something that I'm not aware of. Smiling, one of them handed me a form.
"Do you want to join as a committee for the Christmas Event?"
I doubted. I didn't know how to decide. I wanted to join for the sake of helping out, yet at the same time, I'm bloody scared of the interview that I have to pass to become a committee.
"Come on, many of our classmates are joining." Another persuaded.
"I'll consider." I answered, taking the form with me.
Going back to my room, I asked my roommate should I join or not. Without any pause, she said I should, along with some hard core reasons.
I agreed to her reasons. Taking a pen and filling in my details, I rushed back to the cafe. At the back of my head, I was still freaked out about the interview. I must admit, I'm not that good when it comes to interview.
There were 2 people who were still waiting for the interview. They were talking to some seniors as I listened to their conversation. I couldn't find a way to join in the conversation, maybe I was too nervous thinking about the interview. See, how many times I've mentioned interview?
Anyway, I kinda went through the interview relatively smoothly, when compared to my previous records.
A few days later, I received a message, saying I've been chosen as a committee under the decoration team.
Meetings, meetings and meetings later, the event slowly takes a solid shape as ideas came out. Yeah, there were rough places, but they were somehow solved in the end. Of course, I believe the seniors had played a part in it. They are experienced people, rite?
Around 6 December 2013, we went out to town to get the things we needed. Getting our weapons, a.k.a the color papers, ribbons, containers, stationary, polystyrene...
Our plan was basically to decorate using origami as a base. We had planned to make cutout snowflakes, Christmas wreaths, as well as the ornaments for the Christmas tree. Besides decorating the event venue, we were responsible for the design of the small gifts for the guests. The decoration team leader had planned to make origami Christmas trees inside small containers. Imagine the typical Christmas globe you get in stores, but without the liquid in it. To be truthful, it had looked impossible to be accomplished... but with the cooperation, the dedication, the sincerity, we managed to make 200 of them within one week. I applause and bow to those that had taken their precious time to make the gifts and complete the mission.
bla bla bla working hours later... it's been too long since I last update. I'm loosing my grammar competence... as well as my essay writing skills... *sits in a corner and cries*
Because it's already near the end of the year, assignments start to pile up around us. I must say, I was stuck dead in that pile of things to do. I had presentations, notes, tutorials, projects as well as the Christmas event. All those things came only in that week. And because of that, *going to proudly praise myself* I broke my record of having a total of 7 hours of sleep within 3 days. I took thick coffee and it felt like heaven. Coffee was my savior in those three health-wrecking days. Yeah, call me crazy, but I was happy in a way since I was busy doing something interesting.
Besides joining the decoration team, I had another role in the Christmas event--a performer. To be exact, I was participating as a singer on that day. I got to sang on stage, alone, well not really alone since a senior played the piano too. It was my first time!! It was very, very different from choir, choral speaking or even narrating. I don't quite know how to put it but it was different. We've practiced for quite awhile, about a month or so, if I remember right. I was the second last performance for that night. I kept telling myself to stay calm, just like during practices. But, I just couldn't. I don't know if it's the air conditioner being set too cold, or me being excited or nervous. I only remember I cheered as loud as I could when my friends performed. When it was my turn, I stepped onto the stage. While taking the microphone, I felt myself shaking out of nervousness. I didn't know why, but I felt myself trembling. I don't know if people notice or not, I hope not... As I sang, I tried telling my heart to stop beating so fast but it was no use. Ugh... still need more training... After my performance, it was the Christmas medley. We all sang as the crowd skipped, danced, jumped...
Only when the guests left and I started talking did I realise...
I had screamed too much until my throat was sore. It was like a punched hole in your throat. I laughed thou, thinking how enjoyed the guests were. It was all worth it.
After the event, I told myself, I'll do it only that one time. Once is enough. It's too tiring.
... just two days ago, I joined the arts and design team for the new year festival 2014...
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