A Very Very Long Pause

It's been so long since I wrote something here

well, let's see
not much to say
except that the time for this year is extremely fast
I couldn't catch up
I was only following the trail
that was left by it
I walk on and on
step by step
but I know that I can never catch up at this pace
so what
I'm enjoying the beautiful scenery
every small thing was captured
the beautiful ones
the breath taking ones
the touching ones
I even made friends
with pleasure
who thought me
to slow down
sometimes
take a deep breath
and understand desperation
whom I now cherish
as much as I cherish pleasure
they were by my side
teaching me to make everyday special
making my life
even better
...

** About the first line, this post was "moved" from another page of mine**

Once Again, My Bad Habit

Feeling a little tired these few days

thinking back about the past few weeks
found out that the problems that were in front of me
was one way or another caused by myself
those problems never got solved
somehow it just went away
after going through a very slippery and curvy lane
leaving a trail
that somehow couldn't be ridden of

mad at myself
I dug deep into my memory
and kept reprimanding myself
about the things that I have done
the things that I have done wrong
causing so much trouble
maybe even hurting someone along the way
so many wrong doings
I won't mind it leaving a scar on me
but what about the people around me

Aigoo
here I go with my very very childish thinking again
can I ever stop doing this
this is just wasting time
isn't it
I know
but how to stop this nonsense
this foolish way of life
always going back to the past
always mad at myself for the things
that can never be changed

After One Week Of Working

I did this for about one hour (not sure)
Totally random...
Today I don't need to work,
Finally a day at home after a week
But I don't know what to do
Suddenly I've got nothing, no schedule
I slept for a few hours late
After a meal,
I slept again
What am I going to do??
I don't want to be unhealthy!!
Help......
I can't control myself......

Haha

Year-end holiday , starts... now

Today would be my... fifth day of my first job. My friends and I went to find a job after the last exam paper. Actually there was suppose to be only two of us, but we didn't know where is the starting point, so we asked another friend to help us. She was more experienced and we were like umm.....I don't know, like the first time we learn to walk, having someone to guide us. Haha.

Well, I ended up getting a job at the clothing department and Ngoh got a job at the bags'. What I need to do is fold the messy shirts, blouses, pants... and of course, stand and not sit for at least 5 hours. I was really lucky as the promoters around me were friendly and helpful, I've got nothing to say. Well, except that my feet hurts me the next day. But I still need to go on, rite? I mean if I can't even stand 5 hours of work, what can I do? I have nearly zero talent, no skills!

Now that a quarter of my time is on my part-time job, I have less time on household chores. But my siblings! They don't even want to move if I don't tell them to. Arg.... I feel like stranggling myself sometimes because I took a job. There's so much to do at home, but I want to go out there and learn something. I want to overcome my phobia. I knew, even since I was in primary school that I have a problem in socialising, my father also told me. When talking to someone, I would always look downwards and never face them, which is very rude. I want to overcome this problem, so that I wouldn't be nagged (Haha) and can talk to other people confidently, not giving them bad impressions.

Well, another 1.5 month to go, Gambate!
Sweetie... I miss you... Hope we can meet again soon!
Love you.

2-1=... (?_?) --> : ( -->(T_T)

Finally, the last day of the week, also a time to take a breath from the school year examination. I gotta say, it's been really tough going through this week. So many things happened, well, that's what I think.

It is always tough for us to stuff all the things that we need to memorize, cracking our brain to fit those vocabularies, definitions, formulas, phrases... ... But this time, I think I was emotionally out of control! Not mentally, that one I can still control, but emotionally, no way. I was nearly mad! Two days before the exam, something happened in school and somehow, I cried. I don't know why, but I was teary then I just couldn't stop. It was so embarrassing! In front of my friends. Well, of course I got a small scolding. Hehe...

I think it got even worst the next day. I was at home and doing revision. Another thing happened and the tap water started to run again. This time it took me 30 minutes to calm myself down. Soon, I started to have weird thoughts, I'll say that no one should know what they are. It was like I was soulless! I was scared, every single minute was so dark. The other thing is that I just can't study, I know I'll be blamed because it was just me not wanting to motivate myself. But I just couldn't! I was going bazookas!

Let's just say that I opened the tap water nearly everyday of the week (Only for last week!). My eyes were always painful the next day, o silly me... ...

But from today, I think I can close the water tap.