depressing. prepare yourself or skip~ ; P
really want to vent... everything in my head.... it's tiring to think about these things... just tiring... that it makes you feel crazy *imagine House MD putting himself in a mental hospital* really feel like doing that now. Yeah, it's comical in a depressed way, or is it the other way? I tried, I really tried to make myself happy... but how long can it last? I'm just tired. Yeah, seeing so many 'I' in here... I feel so selfish. I know that. All the things that you "could have done a long time ago" It's horrifying to face the darn truth. I know, I've not done my best. I know, I don't want to face the truth. What should I do? It's stupid. Yes, you've used the word you don't want to use. You're that lost and dark at the moment that you feel like you want to knock yourself in the head... until you bleed... Why are you using 'you' now? What does that mean? You are still not admitting to the true reality that hits you? I don't know... not anymore... fear, anger, depressed... these are the things you keep inside. Because you tell yourself that people don't need to know. They can't do anything about it. Why bother telling? Why make them worry? Why share the dark feeling? Might as well leave it there because it'll disappear somehow. Is that how you really feel? Really? Cause now you're writing what you always call dark. Just the feeling, the thought of yourself facing people actually make you terrified. What is going on with you? Is talking to strangers hard? Is telling people what you feel hard? It's terrifying. You say in your head. Yet you tell people, yeah, it's no problem. We just have to get used to it. Thinking about how you could be like that... now you feel like a mad person. How is it possible that you can be so thick skinned at times and so fragile at other times? It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't... What the hell is rational anymore....
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